As we of course have all come to realize, anything fun in this world will be the object of someone's fear and hatred. With the release of the fun new Napoleon Dynamite talking pen, so too has come the obligatory batsh!t-insane mom who wants the pen banned.

Taking up the mantle of Supreme Warlord of the hordes of worthless human beings whose only pleasure is in obstructing the pleasure of others, Melissa Hart says she is offended by Napoleon Dynamite's saying "You guys are retarded." In a perfect world, the resounding echo from every life-affirming human would be: Who cares? Be offended. We'll just continue enjoying our lives as you sit mired in your own hypersensitive absurdity.

If you don't like something, the answer is not to immediately appeal to the state to forcefully restrict anyone from any sort of enjoyment. In short: Mind your own damn business. You have no right to deprive others of anything they wish to obtain, so long as they do not harm you.

A suggestion for Mrs. Hart: if you're worried about the word "retarded," don't send your kid to public school, or any school for that matter. It gets much much worse than 'retarded', much earlier than you would think. The constant hateful mockery of demonic, ignorant little children will be much more painful for your child-with-down-syndrome than a soundbyte coming from a pen. In fact, your child would probably find the pen delightful.

How about you appeal in a civil manner to the other parents of children at the school to give their children some moral sense so they will not make constant jokes at the expense of your child? Banning a pen will not solve anything.

Next the piggly-wiggly army will be cuffing even more children and throwing them in jail with drunken child molesters for using the word "retarded."

Here you witness the dissolution of civilization; the birth of madness.


P.S. How was that for a melodramatic ending?